As a Corporate Trainer, I enjoy interacting with participants during my workshops. One of the favourite questions that I often asked my participants: “During our daily work, we either interact with people or machines. Out of the two, which is easier?”
The class would laughed and shouted “Machines”!
“Why is it so?” I would continue asking.
“Machines are more predictable. They will simply follow our instructions and don’t talk back or become angry,…”
“I understand how you feel. If I can share with you some principles of communications that will help you to be a more effective communicator and leader, would you be interested?”
The class responded with overwhelming “YES”!
First of all, let me share with you my definition of communication: “Communication is the process of convincing the listeners to achieve common goals.”
There are two emphasis in my definition:
1. Common goals
2. Process of convincing
Before we communicate, we need to determine what is our goal/objective of communication. What do we want the listeners to do/feel after the conversation? It is like playing chess, before you make a move, you need to know your goal and have an overall strategy. The goal must also be a common goal, i.e. it must bring benefits to both you and your listeners.
Once we have identified our goal of communication, we need to embark on the process of convincing the listeners. Communication is a process, i.e. it is a two-way traffic. After you have conveyed your message, you need to assess the listeners’ verbal and non-verbal response. The effectiveness of your communication is measured by the response you get. If you manage to convince the listeners, you have succeeded. Otherwise, you need change the way you communicate until you get the result that you wanted. You may need to change your tone, your body language, your approach or explanation.
Building rapport is one of the most fundamental and important aspect of communication. You can build rapport using powerful NLP technique: “mirror and match”. Simplistically speaking, you try to go into the same frequency in terms of the listeners’ speech and body language. For example, if you were to look at a loving couple in restaurant, you observe that their body postures are like mirror image of one another, and they speak in similar tone (if you happen to overhear their conversation).
By creating rapport, you make the listeners feel comfortable and hence, receptive to your ideas and willing to share their views. You can build rapport by matching their body language, tone of voice, pace of speech, their words used, train of thoughts,…etc.
During the conversation, it is very important to constantly seek their views and inputs. Remember that conversation is a two-way traffic, the more the exchange, the better will be the result. A general rule of thumb is you should be speaking only 50% of the time, and ask for feedback and suggestions in the other 50%. Speak less, listen more!
If you speak majority of the time, it become an instruction, not communication. Some of the ways to encourage involvement are to use sentences like “We value your inputs, how do you think we could improve …”, “Let’s make it work, let us discuss and hear your suggestions.”
When both parties are involved, there will be more ownership and commitment to the final agreed decision.
During the conversation, there could be some differences in terms of views or strategy. It is vital to clarify their thinking in order to find some common grounds. Some of the responses could be “It is difficult for us to change”, “I can’t do it”.
Remember to exhibit empathy to build the bridge of trust, “I understand the efforts involved, let us work together to make it a success”. “I hear your concern, could you share with me what are some of the challenges?” “If you could solve this problem, what do you think will be the possible solution?”
There is no right or wrong way of approaches, they are simply different ways. When leading your team, it is necessary to embrace their values and reframe to reach a common ground.